


Breakfast

by Airmid



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, Crack Relationships, Dean Winchester is So Done, M/M, Post-Episode: s05e22 Swan Song
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-20
Updated: 2018-09-20
Packaged: 2019-07-14 18:29:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16046135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Airmid/pseuds/Airmid
Summary: Archangels, food, and mingling with the general public are generally not a good mix. Especially, that last one.





	Breakfast

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little, simple cracky piece I've had sitting around for a long time. Decided to do something with it finally. Hope it's enjoyable.

 

* * *

 

His brother was across from him eating with a lust that would make gluttony jealous, while Sam eyed his own strawberry drenched pancakes with appreciation. Michael’s hand was tracing a small circle on his back even if the archangel was a bit distracted by his own brother who was currently occupying the booth by Dean. Lucifer, as always, looked like he was personally fitted for the spot, taking up over half the bench. His brother elbowed the fallen angel at times but had settled on grumbling in a half-hearted manner.

In fact, Sam was relieved that his brother was close to content in this tacky little diner with its lime floor and torn orange stools for the first time since his return. It was a welcomed respite from their huge arguments of Dean pointing out their problems were Lucifer’s doing, and the Devil arguing that he had done them a favor by somehow helping them in the free will department.

Sam really didn’t see how any conversation about how demons were necessary was going to fly with any of them, and had resolved to sidestep all their bickering.

“We can’t just go about shiving our siblings when they do something we don’t like, brother,” Michael was saying.

Sam sighed to his pancakes.

It was Raphael’s power play in heaven that poor Cas was currently keeping in check for the time being. No one upstairs had bought a clue that the Cage had just popped open, and Sam, with two archangels in tow, had strolled right on out. Sam really wanted to say that he was fairly certain Michael was terrifying enough to nip the whole thing in the bud, but Lucifer kept bringing up the free will issue.

Plus, the small little detail that he was certain Michael had zero desire to return home and herd a bunch of lost angels anytime soon.

At least Michael had left Adam in heaven when they fell. Sam was pretty sure it would just have been beyond awkward, especially coming home to Dean. At least Dean had only shot the angels a few times for the first week or so. Sam wasn’t sure if Adam would have been appalled or egging things on.

“He’s starting a war to free us from somewhere we don’t need to be saved from, Michael, just to watch us fight,” Lucifer said, as he stole one of Dean’s potato wedges. Amazingly, his brother just glared and did not stab the devil with his fork, which Sam counted as progress.

Some days, Sam really did doubt Lucifer’s oath that they did not do a thing to his brother.

“We could simply restrain him. Put him in the Cage.”

“And that worked well for me?” Lucifer shot back.

Sam shoved pancakes into his own mouth to keep any comment he had on that matter to himself.

Michael let out a petulant sound, something only an older brother could possibly know how to make - and he knew because Dean’s made it enough times, thank you very much - and managed to pout. Full on pout, as though he wasn’t an ancient creature who had watched the birth of everything. Lucifer snickered somewhere across from him, and he chewed, keeping his head down.

He was fairly certain there wasn’t anything he could ever possibly love more than those sitting at this table, no matter how infuriating they were.

Michael’s hand was on his neck, warm and tingling from his power. Sam raised his head up seeing those eyes staring at him with something like wonder as he managed to swallow. He was about to ask if something was wrong when Michael took his breath right out of him, sealing their mouths together.

“I like this taste,” the angel said, allowing him to breathe. Sam already knew strawberries were being filed away in the ‘for later’ file.

Then the Viceroy of Heaven went right back to arguing with his fallen, slightly evil, angelic brother.

Sam rolled his eyes, but Dean caught his attention by tapping his foot with his own. A small shift of the head and Sam could see a man glaring at them across the way.

Great.

It only took a few minutes for the man to gather whatever gumption he needed to stride over to their table and stand there, staring at them. Michael and Lucifer tore themselves from their argument for the newcomer. Michael folded his arms in annoyance. Lucifer simply looked amused.

“Yes?” Michael said in a tone that was all ‘get on with it before I smite thee’.

“You all are living in sin. I cannot leave without trying to help you find salvation for your immortal souls.”

“Not everyone here has a soul,” Michael told him sagely. “Is that all?”

“All humans have souls. And living in this depravity condemns you to hell.”

“Is that so?” Lucifer said smoothly, raising an eyebrow.

“Don’t encourage him, brother,” Michael snapped. “I know you mean well, but we are simply not interested –“

“Not only do you lie with men, but with your own family?” the man interrupted, gasping at them, and Dean just leaned his head back and groaned. “We must pray now for you to find salvation and to be free from hell.”

“I would like to be freed from the responsibility of hell,” Satan said pleasantly. “It requires a lot of hand-holding.”

“Lucifer!”

“The King of the Damned is here!” the man nearly screamed. Sam was impressed he leaped to that conclusion first. “You hold no sway over me, demon.”

“Well, I am an angel,” Lucifer began, before being cut off by what Sam was sure a swift kick from a very pissed off Michael.

“And you! You called him brother!” The man was getting more excited as the entire restaurant was now staring at the loon by their table. “What demon are you?”

He definitely was not going to get to finish his pancakes; and they were good, too.

“How dare you,” Michael growled.

Before he could blink, the archangel was standing on the table, eyes glowing as shadows began to form behind him. Lucifer, of course, was smirking. Sam was sure he had been trying to get his brother riled up.

“I am Michael the Archangel, Prince of Heaven and Ruler of All in my Father’s steed until His return. Bow your head and show fear, mortal, for you have accused me of laying in sin and being that which I fight against.”

The last few words echoed with angelic power, windows cracking. He and Dean exchanged looks as Sam tossed his fork on his plate, the air trembling around them. The poor human who had decided to come poke the sleeping bear was busy kneeling and weeping. He was aware of some people starting to scream near them as things grew much brighter.

 

* * *

 

“So what did we learn this morning?” Dean asked in an even tone, as the Impala made good time down the highway.

“I put it all back,” Michael muttered from the back seat from where he was laying. His head was in Lucifer’s lap, the devil stroking his hair.

“So not what I was asking.”

“How would you feel if someone came and told you that you were a demon, Dean?” Lucifer asked, making something that sounded like soothing noises to his brother. “He brought it on himself.”

Dean just sighed and ran a hand down his face. Wasn’t like they were going to be able to get either of them to apologize for leveling a building no matter how temporary said leveling was. Sam turned a bit more to see their freeloading angels better. Michael at least had the decency to look forlorn over the whole morning’s debacle.

“I have never understood human fascination on what one does with their genitals,” Lucifer continued; and Sam wished he could just become his seat.

“Can we just not talk about it?” Dean asked. “Like ever, using those words?”

Dean had a look as though he was attempting to decide if he wanted to vomit or just bail out of the car while it was in motion. A sharp string of words from Michael, and Lucifer settled back, looking put out but he did shut up.

“Well at least it wasn’t bad enough to tip heaven off,” Sam told his brother.

“I guess,” Dean said, not looking convinced. “It’s like babysitting with those two back there at times, ya know?”

“We are still in the car, Dean,” Michael gritted out.

“So, Sam, I’m thinking drive-thru being the safest after the last vaporized breakfast.”

“Sounds good,” Sam answered. “That is, if both of them can avoid blowing up something for the five minutes it would take.”

“I promise not to ignite any more humans today,” Michael intoned.

Sam swore that was sarcasm.

“And tomorrow?” Dean asked.

“Depends on the human.”

Sam just shrugged helplessly at his brother as they sped down the road, and laughed.


End file.
